One of the big complaints about Twitter and social media, in general, is how impersonal it feels. You can share with the world a new job, a new baby, or some other huge milestone and all you get is friends spending a half second of their life clicking a little heart button.
Maybe instead of sharing life moments, you decide to share an opinion on something you’ve been thinking about for the last five days. Then instantly get overwhelmed with pedantic responses and righteous indignation.
Many people are leaving social media because of this, and both Dorsey and Zuckerberg are getting a lot of anxiety from this epidemic and I’ve heard they aren’t sleeping well. I’ve found what I believe is the perfect solution to stop this vicious cycle. I think its time we all come together and do what our forefathers did. Write a letter.
Because this is a lost art, I’m going to go through each step and show you how it’s done.
Find, Print, and Cut out the tweet
Find a Tweet that you really want to respond too. Next, open Photoshop and create a new printable document (just a standard page size). Make a screenshot of the Tweet and add it in various sizes:
Print it out and cut out each Tweet with scissors.
Attach the Tweet To a Piece of Paper
Get some tape or glue or whatever and attach the Tweet to a piece of paper.
Write your message
Now, get your most excellent fountain pen and write out your response. Your forefathers would write this message in cursive, and if you are responding to someone older, it’s acceptable.
Put it in an envelope
You’ll need to buy an envelope if you don’t have any around the house. Just be careful when opening as we wouldn’t want a paper cut to send us the ER.
Fold your original letter into thirds and place it in the envelope. Next, lick or seal the back.
Bonus: Becoming Verified!
No gatekeepers here! If you want to be verified, you can be verified, and it looks way cooler than a digital blue checkmark.
This is an advanced step and you’ll need some supplies:
Melt some wax on the back and use your seal to make your verified stamp.
Find their address
This step is a little tricky. You’ll need to find the persons mailing address, and few people put this on their “contact me” page. So you’ll need to do some detective work.
Once it’s found, write this on the front of the envelope, head to the post office to get a stamp, and send it off. In a few days, it’ll arrive at their house and they will get read your beautiful prose and your well-thought opinion.
Q. Is this not too much trouble?
A. Yes, thank you Capt. Obvious.
Q. Are you telling me to really spend an hour of my life replying to a Tweet?**
A. Sure why not.
Q. What if I get stuck at any of the above steps?**
A. Then your 2¢ isn’t worth sharing.